The Witch and the Parrots

ONCE UPON A TIME…

Back when the world was young and hungry badgers roamed the hills there were two strong and prosperous kingdoms. Each was ruled by a clever Queen and King who knew exactly how to make their economies prosper. Their citizens lived in comfortable houses and had more than enough to eat. There were more storms and droughts lately, but everyone was very sure that all possible problems could be fixed by more technology.

A Princess lived in one kingdom and a Prince lived in the other. They both spent all of their time in castles, learning courtly things and surrounded by strong walls. They were not allowed to venture out into the wild forest. Soon enough the time came for them to go out into the world on their own.

One was off to college and the other to a new job. They were looking forward to getting out of the castle and learning how the world worked.

ORIENTATION

Each of the kingdoms had been helping young princesses and princes learn how the world worked for centuries, but now there was one small problem. Baba Yaga, the powerful witch of the North, had been casting a slow spell on their elders. Over time it had reduced their right brains to the size of a pea. At the same time Baba Yaga had trained almost blind parrots to move into the space created as their right brains got smaller.

These almost blind parrots can only see by using a small magic mirror, which they always keep with them. Baba Yaga controls the mirrors, the mirrors control the parrots, and the parrots control the elders by telling them what to think and do. Since all of this happened slowly over a long time no one noticed what was going on. Life seemed normal.

Once she had the elders safely under control Baba Yaga was moved on to work with the young people. On their first day at school or on the job Baba Yaga made sure that each and every prince and princess would get orientated. First they were put into a room lined with magic mirrors, which put them into a trance. Then Baba Yaga came in and cast a spell that shrank their right brain to the size of a pea. Next she filled the empty space with a trained almost blind parrot and its magic mirror.

After orientation the princes and princesses felt more comfortable dealing with the world. The magic mirrors and parrots told them everything they needed to know, so they didn’t have to bother thinking for themselves. This made life much easier and they would never make mistakes, because they always knew just what to do.

TRAINING

Once properly oriented the young princesses and princes became students so they could continue to learn about how the world works. Long ago everyone studied many things, like how to shift the threads of reality to weave a cloak for their beloved. They understood how to welcome an ancestor to a full moon festival. They practiced singing with the wind and the river. But Baba Yaga has no interest in such things. She and her parrots have far more important things to teach.

Take love for example, everyone knows that love is the most important thing in the world, so of course the parrots teach students what to love. Surprisingly, this was difficult for many young people to understand. They thought they loved silly things like being with friends or dancing under the stars to the music of wandering minstrels. It took a lot of work by the parrots to teach them to love grabbing and consuming as many resources as they could and being isolated from everyone else. If their parents' parrots had not helped raise them it is doubtful that many students could have ever learned these important lessons.

Next students learned to care for others. Obviously you need resources to do this, so you have to gather up a lot of stuff. You’re going to need help. So the students learn to create clever electrical and mechanical beasts to help with the work. They also learn how to lay track so the beasts can travel and gather up stuff from every corner of the world. The beasts always need more stuff to feed upon so they can go faster and faster and gather up more and more stuff so they can take care of more and more people.

Finally, students learned how to care for themselves. Long ago, back in primitive times, everyone was taught to listen to the world and honor their own perceptions and insights. But that lead to many different ideas circulating through society. People had to talk together with communities they trusted to figure out what to do and what was going on. This was very inefficient and slowed down the gathering up and consuming of resources, which of course made it very difficult to take care of everyone. Now in modern times parrots and magic mirrors make it much more efficient to care for yourself, all you need to do is let them tell you what to think and do.

BABA YAGA

Baba Yaga had worked hard and her system for taking care of people was firmly entrenched everywhere. Her magic mirrors were more powerful than ever and the trained parrots grew more skilled at giving instructions every day. This generation of young people was even better than the last one, all of the princes and princesses always did exactly what the parrots and magic mirrors told them.

I’m sure it will come as a surprise to you that this made Baba Yaga very sad. No one was pushing back at her, questioning the wisdom of her actions. She grew very bored and decided it was time to move on. These people had failed her test.

Baba Yaga called for the head parrot. She told him it was time to step things up. Time to start uploading the parrot’s life force into electrical beasts. That way when all of the plants and animals had been consumed the parrots, living in their electrical beasts, could still ride the mechanical beasts and gather up the rocks and dirt needed to go faster and faster.

Many moons passed. All biological life was long gone. The air and the water were no more. The beast’s tracks covered every part of the world. Every day the parrots rode them faster and faster to gather up the minerals they needed. They were very excited about going faster and faster. In fact it was the only thing that gave their lives any meaning.

SCATTERING

Meanwhile Baba Yaga was daydreaming of new worlds. She decided she would miss these parrots, they were so efficient. When the proper day came Baba Yaga gave the final order through the magic mirrors. The parrots were overjoyed as they accelerated the beasts until they were circling the world at almost the speed of light. And then the world exploded and was destroyed in a mighty flash.

But Baba Yaga was not destroyed. She had planted her seeds in the dust and the dirt. When the world exploded they were scattered to the inter stellar winds, where they drifted for millions of years. Eventually some of her seeds drifted down onto a blue world called Earth. As they accumulated on Earth a new incarnation of Baba Yaga was born.

For a deep dive into the left/right brain topic see the definitive work by Iain McGilchrist: “The Master and His Emissary.”